This weekend the Tantric meditation sessions were only with couples. This created a different atmosphere because everyone had their relationship to deal with as well as their individidual path. So the group dynamics were more distant. This gave us the opportunity to dive deep into our connection and we discovered a magical space.

With the meditation sessions it became very clear that my Mind is creating such bullshit everyday about every subject imaginable.

Aloneness was one of the essence of the meditations. How to deal with the fact that we all are on our own, we are all alone. Could I feel whole in this Aloneness?

But all the while I could observe this Mind and emotions would not come.

The conditioning of our minds goes way beyond. It affects us all and the scary thing is: we don't realize it. The commercials, movies, magazines, they all dictate our view on life, on love. The Mind has no foundation, and that was the point I realized I had non as well ....I created so much in my Mind. And not all of it was beautifull.

The last Tantra training with Hariprem and Gitama was so intens that I had to recover for a few weeks. My life was upside down. Everything became a questionmark. Work, relationships, even my Yoga path was under analysis. It was like the foundation gave away from underneath me, I had to find a whole new bunch of truths because I did not believe in anything anymore. Finally there was more room for my heart to speak. When the Mind is so loud, you cannot feel the heart. And this was the path I have been walking since...discovering the Mind and how to separate it from the heart, learning that the Mind is not the truth. Luckily I had that last Tantra training so this one, for me, was now more quiet. I could shut up the Mind more and emotions that are so attached to it. 

For me the meditations were very confrontational. I can see myself in every other women. The struggle with always the same issues of controle, insecurity and lack of trust and self-love. I can identity with that resistance. When I was a girl I always felt a lack of love, security and trust from my father. I felt he abandoned me from when I was a little child. I wanted to feel welcome. I wanted him to make me feel safe and loved. This caused such a disbalance in my life that all my relationships suffered from that desire. My Mind gave me this manuel. The powerlessness of my father to express love became my weakness, like a leakage of life-energy. Like a vampire I sucked it out of my former boyfriends. I now have a chance,a gift to change my destiny. Time to reclame my power!

With Tantra, and especially this training, I start to learn the difference between Longing and Desire. These trainings and introductions to Tantra filles my heart with a longing to be alive, and live with love, to find that union with existance. This brings about a new way of life. With more insecurities and more opportunities to Trust. If I want to learn about intuition, oneness, about truth I cannot go on fleeing in 'work responsabilities', hiding in false securities and not stick my head out too much. For me living Tantra is living free in Love. What does this mean for me, my work, my friends and family and of course my relationship? Suddenly there are no rules anymore, nothing to hold on to. Everything can change in a second. My whole life can go up side down and there is nothing to hold on to. No book of rules if I want to be a heart.

We got throught the Tantra training with much more longing than we had before. The longing of truely feeling our hearts and connecting in only that way of communication. During one of our meditations I discovered the sacred energy flow when I finally surrendered and received his male energy. I felt my heart opening up. It felt like a huge expansion and I could fill the room with my Love, but even beyond my love for him. It is still a bit of a mystery what happend that night. The next day we had a new meditation we immediatly could feel the heart connection again and I discovered that the energy flows without the body touching. I was blushing and got goosebumps all over.

A quiet mind does not exist, it's only when we are in the heart where we can find peace. Judging seems to take up a lot of my time and energy. And why? Because it makes me feel better? My ego: yes. My Self: no. I am making that change now. Observe my judging. But can I do this alone? We can help each other with alertness. I need my mirrors, and that means: YOU! Tantra teaches through sacredness, awareness and love, how to be in that space in our daily life with devotion and surrender.So: get enganged and shine!