| Interview "Shiva Men's Group" |
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Magenta: Why did you create the Shiva Men’s Group last year in Amsterdam? Rakesh: The reason is that I wanted to provide an aid for the men who took part in the Tantric Dance workshops, which Marcia - Marcia Sanders is my beloved and partner in our “Art of Loving” - and I give. Because I noticed men were having difficulties with dancing from their own strength, center, or masculine energy, while dancing with a woman. I felt, “I need to fill this gap, this hole.” I noticed also they were trying to please the woman, trying to do it right, and not making their dance from their own energy or their own feeling. They were searching for something and struggling with it. Marcia and I designed Tantric Dance as a meditation to experience the connection between male and female energy, in which there is one who receives the dance from the one who leads, while the receiver has his or her eyes closed. The difficulties which I observed, happened when the men were leading and the woman had her eyes closed. Another reason is, that in the Netherlands there are many men’s groups but there is not really a men’s group that is exclusively devoted to the woman. Marcia was already giving Goddess Dance workshops for women only, and I decided to start my group with the name Shiva Men’s Group, with the woman, the goddess at its core, as its inspiration for meditation and practice, in order to connect with her. To be able to relate with a woman from your own strength. This is something different from being in a group with men, talking, undertaking activities, and along the way sharing about women. And the last reason for starting the group is personal, I felt I missed something myself, the connection with masculine energy. My mother has raised me, I never had any brothers, and I always had more interest in women, having contact with women, my best friends were mainly always women. And I felt I missed a brotherly connection. And I really, really feel this energy. I am very happy I started it. That I really made deep connections with men and have this brother feeling. So yeah, I started this group. Magenta: With what exactly are the men in the dance struggling? Is it the social convention of giving the opportunity to the woman to shine through expression, and in doing so the man plays a secondary role? Rakesh: Uhm not really. The dance is more about, you engage the woman, you find a way to touch the woman, and then you are able to open the woman by inviting her. But you are inviting her on your journey because you are the leader on this journey: you can see, you have the vision, the woman can not see due to her blindfold. For this she needs to open herself and surrender to him. And in that sense, it is his dance, and he is inviting her to come along, and for this, she needs trust, to feel a man who is able to carry her on this journey. If the man is not able to find his strength on this journey - and this is the main reason for his struggling - she will feel it immediately. She will feel, “Okay, he has no clue what he’s doing.” Or, “He’s just trying to please me and is very hesitant, insecure, very careful.” But that doesn’t give it power. It is like, “He’s trying something, but not doing something.” It makes a big difference how you dance with a woman, and how you walk in the world. Do you walk in the world very carefully with your head down, or do you walk with a straight back and know where you are going, or at least have a sense, you are going in the right direction. It is important for a man to have strength from within. To have this when he’s having contact with a woman. And to have it for real, not as a mask, a masquerade, or something that you put on as an attitude, you know? Furthermore, in this dance where the woman has her eyes closed she feels a lot more, and she feels when it’s fake, when he has no strength. When it really is not there…, you both know it. It’s different when you can talk and see each other, then this mask plays a lot more and then you can invite, seduce a woman to opening herself more easily by pretending to have strength. But in this dance where the man has to show himself through his masculine energy, not by his performance or looks, then it is a completely different story. Magenta: It is like a wave; he is like a wave and there is this woman, also a wave, they connect, and they dance together, each individual in his own strength and together they become a dancing oneness. What do you do in your Shiva Men’s Group? Rakesh: There are all kinds of meditations. Indeed, they are for each man to find his own strength. It’s not something I am able to say, “We all do this, and then you’ll find it.” Everything I do in the groups is an invitation. To try something and see what happens. And indeed the practices have a quality in them to find your strength. And to find your strength starts with knowing when you are in it, and when you are not. It is not something like, “Okay, once I’ve found my strength, or my power, or my masculine energy, I am able to stay in it the rest of my life.” It is something that comes and goes. Indeed, like a wave. But by knowing this wave is a start. It’s something that you need to have, to have a sense of, to be aware of in the moment. And this strength is not something I am able to teach. It is something the men are able to find themselves. There are several areas I touch… I am not going into what I do exactly, but the areas I touch are… What I noticed up till now is that strength comes from many hidden places. With hidden places I mean, things that … you maybe even hide away from yourself. Like sexual energy for instance. Sexual energy is actually the most powerful energy in your body and for many people, men and women, the sexual energy is too scary. Too powerful. Therefore, in this society, you try to diminish it, or you try to hide it, or you try to temper it. I also play with another energy that’s also scary in that sense, namely anger. And anger is a different form of sexual energy, also diminished by many people, and for many people too powerful, or destructive, or… all the labels. And another area I play with is the ego. For a man his ego is an important part because it is the most vulnerable part of the male energy. It’s a quick trigger in a sense. The male ego is a big thing, it is triggered easily. His ego is hard to overcome. Harder than for women. Magenta: Can the ego to be compared with pride? Rakesh: Yeah pride and… Magenta: To keep this front of, “I’m tough, I’ve got feelings but I’m not going to show them, or talk about them, because then I would be weak, vulnerable, and then I would be less of a man”? Rakesh: Yeah exactly. It has a big role to play. And as a man you have a certain expected role to play. In the group we look into the man’s ego, which is important. Otherwise, if you do not look at it, it would be too easy to fall back into it, especially in the moments that are tough. Magenta: Why do you go into the areas of sexual energy, anger, and ego? Rakesh: Well, to reconnect to yourself, and to know your pitfalls. For instance, if you think that by not showing or expressing your feelings you are in your strength - and think that it is your strength - then it’s difficult for you to connect with a woman. I call this false strength because it’s created by your ego. So, I touch these areas to get to know your true self. Magenta: In what way do you go into the different areas you address? Rakesh: It’s a three hour workshop in which I talk as less as possible and this means that I explain a meditation, we do the meditation and we share about the meditation. “What happened, what did you come across?” Magenta: Do the men interact with each other? Rakesh: Yes. We are all equal in a sense. There’s nobody above the other and… Magenta: And do you take part as well? Rakesh: Yeah, if it’s possible, cause sometimes I also need to guide a bit through the meditation and sometimes I feel it’s better they do it by themselves. But we’re all the same in it, it’s our entire journey together. I just create space to walk this journey. So, here’s how it goes: we share about a meditation, our experience, our feelings, and many times some reactions come from the men. It’s not about a discussion, it’s not about, there’s a problem and we need to fix it. Even when they… “This is quatsch!”, you know? (laughs) And they say so, or they say: “You’re spacing out!”, or, “You’re just talking on a surface layer.” Yeah it can be sometimes a bit confronting. But it is very important. It helps when the men trigger each other occasionally to go a bit deeper, me included. Magenta: Only the fact that they put into words what they feel is quite something for men, I think; it goes beyond their ego. Rakesh: It is also about, what is being said is real or not. And that you sense that. If somebody is just blah, blah, blah, immediately no one is listening any more… For me it’s very easy to see. Then everybody is in his own mind again and not really hearing what somebody is saying. But as soon as something is being shared that really touches the person, immediately there is silence and there is this deeper connection with each other. This is good because the experience of one person can touch something in another man, even though this man experiences something completely different. And this is beautiful, because as soon as you are able to feel what is being touched inside yourself, there is a connection to reality. It doesn’t mean we need to talk about it. In practice this means… when you are able to connect with yourself, you are far more able to connect with a woman. Magenta: Why have you chosen the name of Shiva for your Men’s Group, and what is his role? Rakesh: Shiva is nameless in explanation, and that is one of the many reasons why I use him as an inspiration, because of his many layers. He symbolizes so many things, I mean, Shiva has about 108 names! You know? (smiles, leans back with spreading arms). What does this mean concretely? The Shiva workshop has the title “I AM every man.” Each time a new man joins the group - men can attend one workhop instead of the whole series - we do the “I AM every man” dance. Through dance and free expression you connect with yourself and merge into the energies of the others. This also helps to drop all our personal differences and makes room for connectedness. Also, there’re many beautiful stories written about Shiva called ”Tattvas”, and some I read in the group. Because it may touch certain parts of a man to look differently at himself. Shiva is a creator and a destroyer, he the whole universe; he is everything as a playful dance without effort. And you are part of his creation and destruction. I use Shiva as an example to come out of your own life, and have a look at your character, at your own being. But I don’t talk much about Shiva in the groups, he has to be experienced. I use him and his concept as a tool in the group. And the other thing about Shiva is… he is a god, which is beautiful. But he is a god in relation to Parvati, the woman who is his beloved. He is God in relation to the woman, Shakti, the Goddess, with all the differences that exist between man and woman. But we also get into the moving energies between them, where differences do not exist. It is one of the core themes of the workshop. Magenta: Who are the men who attend your group? Rakesh: There are some newcomers but most men have already done a workshop with us. So either Tantric Dance level one, level two, or a retreat of a weekend or a week. And they feel some more direction would be wise, or would be helpful, or in their relationship they… (laughs) In one of my groups I’m having now, they noticed something… that a certain pattern keeps on appearing, relationship after relationship. Magenta: Could you please give an example? Rakesh: That the man becomes empty. He feels empty. There is this emptiness and he tries to find a woman in order to fill up his emptiness. Magenta: Like what kind of emptiness? Rakesh: That he’s not complete. He is using the woman to become whole in a sense. And this is a trap. It’s not possible… Magenta: No! Rakesh: For me too this has been playing around inside myself. You think you need to have a woman to become whole, to merge during lovemaking. That only then, you will become a whole being, the essence, or enlightened. But you really need be in contact with yourself, to feel complete before you even remotely come close to a woman. And with woman I mean Goddess. Magenta: And so he goes from one woman to another, from relationship to relationship in order to find his completeness. Rakesh: But he approaches the newfound woman in a false way. By false I mean, that the starting point of getting in touch with a woman is already a difficult path, harder. And so what happens is, he connects with a woman to get something. He pleases her because he needs to get something from her and so all his energy, his focus, and his strength goes toward her. And it’s never enough, and it’s all wrong. He feels he’s getting weaker, and smaller and smaller and smaller, until he’s so small, she just walks over him and says to herself “I need to find myself a new man who is strong.” And this is what happens a lot. Magenta: What kind of man can take part in your men’s group? Rakesh: A guy needs to have a certain awareness in order to be able to see where he has to look is inside himself. If you still think, “I need to find a woman who fits my needs”, then it’s going to be a bit more difficult. You keep looking for happiness in outwardly things, like alcohol, career, all these things. Either my groups are a revelation, (laughs), or you hate them. Magenta: Has there been somebody who says, “This workshop does not meet my expectations.”? Rakesh: No, it comes in a different form. You need to be a bit ready for it. What I do is not, uhm… (laughs) I dislike the word hard-core, but (laughs), it’s not for wussies. I mean, I do make steps. I am confrontational. I do pinch (pinches gently the interviewer’s female wrist) where it hurts. I do touch at the place you don’t want to be touched. Where even pain may occur. Or, even things may arise which you rather not show. So in a sense, this is not for everybody. I am not going to say how well you’re doing, how well you are improving yourself. I am not into that. I am just not for the surface layers, like, “Let’s hug and be friendly”. I am really… if I see bullshit, I say: “I’m seeing bullshit.” Magenta: What is your role in the Shiva Men’s Group? Rakesh: I’m not telling them anything, actually, I’m letting them experience things of their own accord, for themselves. And I am not telling them how to get anything at all, how you find your strength. You have to find your own ways of finding that. The most important thing I would like to add is,: that I am not focusing on the things that are wrong about you as an individual. I am not focusing on the things that need to be changed, you know? This will not help at all. Only your awareness, your consciousness is your focus. So, it’s really about peeling the layers of yourself. Magenta: At the beginning of our interview, you said you started the Shiva Men’s Group too, because you felt a need to be in the brotherly company of men. What have the men in your groups brought you personally? Rakesh: I really feel supported by the men in the groups as being one of the brothers of men. Also, because at one time I encountered a shift in my relationship with my beloved - which was a challenge for me - and I could share my feelings and thoughts with the men as we had become indeed brothers. It has given me strength through vulnerability. At the end of each session I suggest the men to try certain techniques as a practice in their daily life. This can be something to experience within their relationship, or in their contact with women in general. Next to this, I encourage them to organize social activities together. Just in order to unwind, to have fun, to have men talk. And so they do enthusiastically! So for instance they organized a sweat lodge outing, a Chinese Tea Ceremony and movie nights. I also take part in the socializing, and this connecting has given me such joy! Magenta: Looking at the intriguing and colorful leaflet of the Shiva Men’s Group, I see that Tantra is the inspiration. What is Tantra? Rakesh: Tantra… (warmly spoken) There are so many things you can say. For me the essence is, expansion of consciousness. In any form that fits your life. With that, I mean, there is no generalisation possible in Tantra. There is not one role, there is not one fix. Tantra is the ultimate paradox for me, you could say. (Rakesh smiles) Magenta: When I mention the word Tantra, most people, myself included, associate Tantra with couples who are engaging in sex. And for hours on end. That it is about people who during lovemaking have their heads in the clouds. The so-called “holy” sex. Rakesh: Usually the thing that comes up, is exactly what they need. Magenta: (Explodes with laughter) Rakesh: And what you hear is the one thing that is hidden inside them and wants to break out. That is why I call Tantra the ultimate paradox. Because it is always the opposite of what you think it is. You think it is about sex and having your head in the clouds. But you will find out it is the opposite of what you think it is. With ultimate I mean, a paradox is always the opposite, and the ultimate is actually the thing in between. So, it is all about, you walk the path of man and woman, Shiva - Shakti, the path of opposites. You are male energy, she is female energy, you walk this path, and you come out in the middle. Magenta: That is beautiful. |
